Friday, July 26, 2013

A Decision I Never Wanted To Make

Before I get into this post you must understand that I have nothing but love for my little baby Tank. He's been nothing but a joy to have in my life but there comes a time when you know your baby would be better off with God!

The day we brought Tank home!
Two years ago my little Min Pin Tank (7 years old now) was diagnosed with diabetes. It hurt so much to hear that he had such a horrible disease. The oddest part about it was that it came on literally over night. Apparently that's not uncommon in dogs. We spent hours with our vet weighing the options and figuring out what we wanted to do. When we were told we could manage his diabetes with insulin (which I honestly didn't know was possible) I fought hard knowing full well that I could do it. I would be the one to keep him alive for as long as he wanted to stay with us.

Two years later and I just can't do it anymore. I can't watch him get sicker by the month, lose more hair, get sores just because he lays wrong, and basically get by until the time of day that I give him the insulin his body needs to stay in balance. We used to be able to give him a set dosage every morning and every night but now I have to test him daily (which means taking blood from my little man on the inside of his lip every morning and night). He's lost the muscles in his head right behind his eyes (which even my vet can't explain) so every time he yawns his eyes sink back into his head so far you can't even see them anymore. He lost his sight because of the diabetes as well so he couldn't see anyway. About 3 years ago I fell on top of him (which still pains me to this day) and I broke his poor little leg. We had to travel 4 hours to see a specialist to surgically fix his leg. There are times you'll see him limping for no apparent reason. This didn't happen until he got diabetes. The vet said it's just because his body is breaking down faster than it normally would and any discomfort is amplified.

This is where the decision I never wanted to make comes in.

Earlier today I took my baby into the vet to meet God. He's happier now, I know that. He's healthy now, I know that as well. I just can't help but think I could have done this for longer so that he could live out the rest of his days with us. He will always have a piece of my heart and I will never stop loving that little cuss.

With that said I'll probably be away from blogging for a little bit. I need to process this and I honestly don't know how long this will take. I need to figure out how to forgive myself for not fighting longer for him. I understand it's not my fault and sometimes hard choices need to be made but that's just how things go in my mind.

Have you ever had to put a pet down? How did you cope with the loss? Any tips?

3 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear about this. It brought tears to my eyes. I know how you must be feeling. I had to put my 20 yr old cat to sleep 7 years ago, and I still cry about it now. We also have an 8 year old dog, whose breed life expectancy is around 10-12 years. I dread the day. I don't think there is any healthier way to cope with the loss than what you're currently doing. Again, I am so sorry!

    Emily
    http://emprovising.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Even 3 weeks later I still call his name when I'm not thinking. It makes me a little teary eyed.

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  2. I just found your blog & I am so sorry for the loss of your fur-baby! I didn't get a chance to make choices with my beloved Skeeter. Cats tend to hide when they're in pain so I didn't get him to the vet in time to save him when he had basically kidney stones. With 2 other cats in the house, I didn't know he wasn't peeing! They'd given him a sedative after taking care of the stones & he just didn't wake up. It's been almost 2 years now. {{hugs}}

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I'm always interested to hear, or read, what people have to say so, please, leave me a comment. I am all for healthy debates but am not a proponent of picking on someone because of their thoughts.