|The day we brought Tank home!|
Two years later and I just can't do it anymore. I can't watch him get sicker by the month, lose more hair, get sores just because he lays wrong, and basically get by until the time of day that I give him the insulin his body needs to stay in balance. We used to be able to give him a set dosage every morning and every night but now I have to test him daily (which means taking blood from my little man on the inside of his lip every morning and night). He's lost the muscles in his head right behind his eyes (which even my vet can't explain) so every time he yawns his eyes sink back into his head so far you can't even see them anymore. He lost his sight because of the diabetes as well so he couldn't see anyway. About 3 years ago I fell on top of him (which still pains me to this day) and I broke his poor little leg. We had to travel 4 hours to see a specialist to surgically fix his leg. There are times you'll see him limping for no apparent reason. This didn't happen until he got diabetes. The vet said it's just because his body is breaking down faster than it normally would and any discomfort is amplified.
This is where the decision I never wanted to make comes in.
Earlier today I took my baby into the vet to meet God. He's happier now, I know that. He's healthy now, I know that as well. I just can't help but think I could have done this for longer so that he could live out the rest of his days with us. He will always have a piece of my heart and I will never stop loving that little cuss.
With that said I'll probably be away from blogging for a little bit. I need to process this and I honestly don't know how long this will take. I need to figure out how to forgive myself for not fighting longer for him. I understand it's not my fault and sometimes hard choices need to be made but that's just how things go in my mind.
Have you ever had to put a pet down? How did you cope with the loss? Any tips?