Thursday, February 21, 2013

Eagerly Awaiting Menopause

There probably aren't many people who can say that they're awaiting menopause. If you're reading this and you are well then ... 

Courtesy Of This Place

Tila Tequila anyone? No? Just me? Anyway, moving on.

I always tell people I cannot wait for menopause to hit and the immediate reaction from most people is "WHY?". Well I have 2 big reasons for wanting menopause to come even though I'm only 31.

Reason 1: I have absolutely no desire to have children. 

When I was younger I thought children would fit somewhere in my life. My husband and I, before we were even married, thought about adoption or fostering. When we weren't approved because we weren't married it wasn't something that got us down. There was even a point in time where we were actively trying to get pregnant. I was pushing to have sex at all the right times, we both got checked to make sure everything was working, I was even taking Rx meds that were supposed to help. It never happened though. I suppose that fed into my decision but my husband and I both realized, as time went by, that our life was fantastic without children. We could go wherever we wanted whenever we wanted without worrying about school or soccer practice or anything like that. Finding a dog sitter was much easier than finding a baby sitter. I don't have to run down the cereal aisle wondering if I'm going to have to disown anyone because they're acting up. I, we, have a carefree life. Why would we want to mess that up?

Reason 2: I have the most violent "time of the month" and I'm over it.

I'm pretty sure there are people out there who have it worse than I do and I'm sure a lot of girls say the same thing but DAMN IT I'm so over it. Ever since I was younger I've had periods that have lasted at least 2 weeks. Yes, no kidding, they last that long. I've had some that lasted over a month. The worst part about these periods is that not only do they last a hellaciously long time I don't get time off. If I have a period that last 3 weeks I'll get a weeks break and start up again. The one time I can remember getting a break was in my late teens. I didn't have a period for 6 months. I've been checked out by 3 or 4 different doctors. They all give me the same dumbfounded look after they've done their tests and screening and what not. "Uh, there's nothing wrong with you. There's no reason this should be happening." That's what I thought. I'm normal, it's just that my menstrual cycle isn't. The only thing I used to be able to say was that I didn't get cramps. Used to being the operative word. Now, however, my cramps are horrific, I've found that I get sick and actually vomit during my period now, and I can't stay awake to save my life. Again, doctor says I'm good. I AM SO OVER IT!!

I always get the "but you'll hate menopause and the hot flashes and the cold sweats" speech. I can't think of anything more comforting than not having to buy tampons or worrying that I'll leak because I have absolutely no clue when "aunt flo" is coming. 

Hurry menopause, I need you.

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